Foorapes 'do' Madrid

Behold the glorious city of Madrid. This place, in the heart of the Old Continent, has proved to be a fertile breeding ground for the foorse. Kicked out of the airplanes by stewardesses who just couldn't handle the foorape mojo any more, the foorapes opened their parachutes and landed in the most pitoresque place of the entire city. Below, you will see the ancient temple dedicated to the ancient god Foor. Madrid is probably the only place in the world where this old religion still persists. The sprituality of this place resonates throughout the entire city.

After their landing at the holy Temple of Foor, the foorapes met some young acolytes called Paco and Victor, who guided them safely troughout the oul-infested area of Madrid. We live in a world of dualities and the presence of the God Foor attracts the attention of the evil Owls (see post 'the owls are not what they seem'.

Madrid is probably one of the last places where people just dance in the streets when they feel up to it. The sensuality of the place calls for More.

The people of Madrid respect their environment. They regularly set out for field trips during which they feed the local fauna with as much beer as they can cary along.

The Foorapes 'do' Madrid's Nightlife

The evening activities of the foorapes in Madrid were quite traditional. And of course, we closed the last bar down. Fortunately, the City of Foor - aka Madrid - has found a unique solution for party-animals that just don't know how to quit. After a bilateral treaty with the city of Shanghai, an imigration agreement was sealed. The nightly streets of Madrid are now overrun by immigrant Chinese beer-sellers who offer quality beer at economy prices. The foorapes would like to thank the Mayor of Madrid for the fooring of our nightlife.








The foorapes broke a new record. The temperature within their pants was just too much for their synthetic boxers. After just one night of partying, they started to desintegrate. Which seemed to be a very productive way for pleasing the ladies.



The city of Madrid proved to be an interesting for the foorapes and the foorwefs. At the end of their trip they even tried to resort to the human activity called 'sleeping' - not a big success.




After they got kicked out of the aeroplane once again by sexually extacised aeroplane personel (they just could not handle it any more), the foorapes opened their parachutes above the Belgian City of Industry - aka Charleroi. Completely absorbing the working man's mentality, the foorapes started reloading their foorsels with beer at 8.00 a.m. .

Foorapes on a Spanish Diet

The Spanish foorape Paco Serrano knows how to please his Belgian and French palls. Approximately 15 minutes after the foorapes crashed into the centre of Madrid (they were thrown out of the cockpit after they got their ticket to the ten miles high club from the aeroplane personell), Serrano took our friends to this blisfull place. No hotdogs or Bicky's in Madrid, but those Spanish dudes do make up for it.

Walls of dried meat. Who could ask for more ... .By lack of Bicky's and hotdogs, Spanish foorapes have adapted themselves to a new way of life. They invented the concept of Tapa. A category of food that consists mostly of fried, baked and raw meat. Vegetables are exclusively used for decorative purposses. It allmost seems as if Spanish foorapes don't believe in vegetables at all. They call it 'owlfood' one of the worst cursewords in the foorape lexicon. For the owls are the foorape's worst ennemies. One exception though: green peppers that set the foorape's ass on fire. A fire that proves to be an extra stimulant in the Madrid party scene.

The Owls are not what they Seem

In David Lynch's TV show Twin Peaks, it is repeated multiple times that "the owls are not what they seem". Although their true nature is never known, one can guess that owls are watchers, even servants, from the Black Lodge (A world that feeds on pain and suffering). Foorapes of course, are incapable of suffering and will never yield to the forces of the owls. Nevertheless, these evil beasts just don't know when to quit. Even in the suburps of Madrid, foorapes are haunted by the tiresom ou-ou's of these feathered serpents. What seems to be an innocent animal at first, proves to be the most annoying creature in the world. Of course, there is only one strategy the foorapes can apply in oul-infested areas such as Madrid and its suburps. This strategy consists of (1) a stage of intimidation, (2) a stage of study and observation, (3) the fooring of the owl until (4) the owl has been transformed in a foorowl. Let us take a closer look towards this process.

FASE 1 - INTIMIDATION

The oul is the foorape's worst ennemy and even though foorapes usually lack any sense of aggression, they just can't help themselves when these foul beasts are around. However, the foorape knows of the wisdom advocated by Ghandi who claims that "you have to be the change you wish to see in the world". This philosophy soon takes over the primal urges of the foorape and he will soon put his weapons aside to devote himself to a close examination of owl-like behaviour.

FASE 2 - Study of Owl-like behaviour

Annoying as they are - ouls are easy to understand. They are the cosmological opposites of the foorapes. A foorape is energetic, lives in the nanosec that is the now, and has a natural tendency to be happy. It is true, that some misguided humans think that the owl is a symbol of wisdom. Old sources within mythology have unmasked these creatures as bearers of misfortune and death, darkness and evil practices. There is only one proper foorapical response.

FASE 3 - Foor the ouls into Foorouls

If the environment does not foor on itself, the foorape will foor his environment. The same goes for pets (see 'how to foor your pet' on this blog), and as we will demonstrate, for owls. First of all, they need to be put on a strict diet. A diet of Bicky Burgers or Hotdogs would be ideal. However, the Spanish ouls can be converted into foorhood by stuffing them with large amounts of nicotine, beer and paella (the Spanish national equivalent to Bicky Burgers). Furthermore, the animals need to be for at least 24 hours in the proximity of at least one foorape. The presence of the evil oul will trigger all of the foorse present in the foorape. He once again, will release all of his fooring hormones in order to create the foorsefield which will turn the oul into a fooroul. If the cursed animal tries to phone home in order to call it's palls, just take the phone and make him eat it.

Make sure he eats every last bit of it. Foorapes are not inhumane. Even an oul needs to take a dump once and a while. However, his stench is extremely revolting. Ledgend tells us that some of the first foorapes were taken by suprise by this stench that they could not help but to turn to the dark side of the foorse. The went to a place David Lynch referred to as the 'black lodge' and were never seen again.Last but not least, the owl needs to be soaked in beer and nicotine. Don't forget this part.

The owls can't be left on their own for even the briefest moment of time. For the owl will certainly try to commit suicide because of the large amounts of alcohol, nicotine and paella. Don't let the beast out of your sight. A trip to the oul's natural environment can help it throught the last stages of its transformation. Auditory stimulation by the foorape's charming battle cries, are also an upper.Last but not least, the process needs to be ritually seeled off, by a musical performance which includes lots of foorsefull tribal trumbeats.

FASE 4 - Completion

The fooring of an owl is not an easy process. Once it is achieved however, the owl becomes a foorape's best friend. The balance in the foorse has been returned once again - as can be observed below. Finally, the evil owl knows happyness.

mono de ferria

The foorse has made its first victim in Spain. A young dude, named Paco Serrano, was foolish enough to let the foorapes into his house. His own genetical make-up made him particularly vulnerable to the viral infection which altered the human genome to create the new breed of foorapes. The difference between the orignial Paco Serrano (picture above) and the present one (picture below) is simply astonishing. His own parents do not recognize him anymore. Walks in the parks of Madrid while this foorape is in town are of great danger to simple humans for the term 'wildlife' has been redifinied by the actions of Serrano. Paco will spread the foorape virus untill Madrid is completely contaminated by (1) dragging his arms in an apelike fashion over the floor and (2) coppulating with the local vegatation in a desperate search for a human foorwef. May the foorse be with him and may he find the foorwef he's looking for.

PACO SERRANO BEFORE FOORIFICATION

PACO SERRANO AFTER FOORIFICATON

DJ Foorwijf as the Fanclub President

This post is dedicated to the newly elected Foorape Fanclub President - aka DJ Foorwijf. For this excquisite human specimen has proven herself worthy through a series of excruciating trials, the likes of which no other human has undergone before. This trial included a journey into the white mountains that cover the wintery landscapes of Europe in an allmost exclusive foorape company. She took the task upon herself to share a room with three foorapes with a fearlesness that makes Die hard 4 look like a an episode of My Little Pony. Without neglecting her decisive feminine features, she succeeded in socializing herself into the performative practices of foorhood. After a week of Butthead-inspired uuuurghhhh, odours that make Sadam's nerve gasses smell like a Dior fragrance, and countles Borat-inspired I like's - she succeeded in internalizing the foorse entirely. DJ Foorwijf's election proved to be an excellent decision on the part of the foorapes. This chick kicked ass on the legendary foorape hotdog party. Personally responsible for the disappearance of about 134.5 hotdogs and 17 deflowerings of young unsuspecting male sex victims in one evening just by looking at them, she sent chockwaves of 13.2 on the scale of Richter through the city of Antwerp while working the turntables with her foorseful DJ skills. Our eternal fooritude goes out to DJ Foorwijf and those she loves.

Foorape Cleaning Activity

It is a common misconception that the foorape is allergic to cleaning activities. However, it is an activity that most foorapes prefer to perform in the darkness offered by the night. Still tripping on the foorape hormones of the foorape hotdogy party, A-man and S-man cleaned allmost the entire Nature Friends clubhouse. They used every physical ability available to them. They used their tongues to clean the tables, their hair to scrub the floor, and their asses to clean the toilets. In daylight, the foorape only cleans in the absence of humans. This is a strategic move, aimed to deceive the ladies who assume that the foorape enfooronment is as pleasant as it is on its own. This is not true ofcourse. The foorape treats his enfironment with respect. Below some rare daylight pictures of foorape cleaning activity.

hotdogification

Even the most low-pitched foorape party requires efforts under which the human body would simply desintegrate. It is unadvisable for any man, woman or child to stay longer than 27 minutes at a foorse-hotspot without the necessary precautions. Fortunately, by trial and error, foorapes slowely became aware of this fact. It is for this reason that 500 hotdogs were ordered, prepared and mostly eaten during this incredible foorfest.

A great deal of people believe that the word 'hotdog' is not meant to be taken literally. The foorapes know better. During the famous foorape famine of 1908 during which the seeds of the rare plant florabickyfaunologicus were destroyed, the foorape needed to resort to other foods. The practice of 'hunting' however, was not something the Big Foorapes had in mind, when he so exquisitly designed the foorape body. The foorape simply lacks every form of aggression. His hunting techniques are therefore limited to putting a piece of bread on the floor, hoping to lure an innocent annimal. When these animals approach the piece of bread, the observing foorape uses all of his foorse to kill and mangle the animal into a satisfactory amount of Wieners. In a last spasm, the unfortunate animal empties its blather and pisses on the grass. Hence the name 'sauerkrautz'. The destroyed plants or 'sauerkrautz' are included in the hotdog formula. Since the foorape strives to maintain a balance in the enfooronment, he cannot bear to leave the piece of bread on the floor. This would be an example of waste, unworthy of the foorape. So Wiener and bread were put together as a hotdog. Below, one can observe the prey before it was hotdogificized.

his might all seem to be disgusting to someone who hasn't eaten an original foorape hotdog yet. Nevertheless, below the sceptics may observe the delighted facial expressions of human fanclub members.

During the foorape party, humans try to foor their beer with hotdogs. After a night of fermentation, this results in odours irresistable to the foorape sensory system. This beerified hotdog or this hotdogified beer is every foorape's cup of tea.

By the way, foorapes are not the only animals who appreciate the freshly hunted Wieners.