The Owls are not what they Seem

In David Lynch's TV show Twin Peaks, it is repeated multiple times that "the owls are not what they seem". Although their true nature is never known, one can guess that owls are watchers, even servants, from the Black Lodge (A world that feeds on pain and suffering). Foorapes of course, are incapable of suffering and will never yield to the forces of the owls. Nevertheless, these evil beasts just don't know when to quit. Even in the suburps of Madrid, foorapes are haunted by the tiresom ou-ou's of these feathered serpents. What seems to be an innocent animal at first, proves to be the most annoying creature in the world. Of course, there is only one strategy the foorapes can apply in oul-infested areas such as Madrid and its suburps. This strategy consists of (1) a stage of intimidation, (2) a stage of study and observation, (3) the fooring of the owl until (4) the owl has been transformed in a foorowl. Let us take a closer look towards this process.

FASE 1 - INTIMIDATION

The oul is the foorape's worst ennemy and even though foorapes usually lack any sense of aggression, they just can't help themselves when these foul beasts are around. However, the foorape knows of the wisdom advocated by Ghandi who claims that "you have to be the change you wish to see in the world". This philosophy soon takes over the primal urges of the foorape and he will soon put his weapons aside to devote himself to a close examination of owl-like behaviour.

FASE 2 - Study of Owl-like behaviour

Annoying as they are - ouls are easy to understand. They are the cosmological opposites of the foorapes. A foorape is energetic, lives in the nanosec that is the now, and has a natural tendency to be happy. It is true, that some misguided humans think that the owl is a symbol of wisdom. Old sources within mythology have unmasked these creatures as bearers of misfortune and death, darkness and evil practices. There is only one proper foorapical response.

FASE 3 - Foor the ouls into Foorouls

If the environment does not foor on itself, the foorape will foor his environment. The same goes for pets (see 'how to foor your pet' on this blog), and as we will demonstrate, for owls. First of all, they need to be put on a strict diet. A diet of Bicky Burgers or Hotdogs would be ideal. However, the Spanish ouls can be converted into foorhood by stuffing them with large amounts of nicotine, beer and paella (the Spanish national equivalent to Bicky Burgers). Furthermore, the animals need to be for at least 24 hours in the proximity of at least one foorape. The presence of the evil oul will trigger all of the foorse present in the foorape. He once again, will release all of his fooring hormones in order to create the foorsefield which will turn the oul into a fooroul. If the cursed animal tries to phone home in order to call it's palls, just take the phone and make him eat it.

Make sure he eats every last bit of it. Foorapes are not inhumane. Even an oul needs to take a dump once and a while. However, his stench is extremely revolting. Ledgend tells us that some of the first foorapes were taken by suprise by this stench that they could not help but to turn to the dark side of the foorse. The went to a place David Lynch referred to as the 'black lodge' and were never seen again.Last but not least, the owl needs to be soaked in beer and nicotine. Don't forget this part.

The owls can't be left on their own for even the briefest moment of time. For the owl will certainly try to commit suicide because of the large amounts of alcohol, nicotine and paella. Don't let the beast out of your sight. A trip to the oul's natural environment can help it throught the last stages of its transformation. Auditory stimulation by the foorape's charming battle cries, are also an upper.Last but not least, the process needs to be ritually seeled off, by a musical performance which includes lots of foorsefull tribal trumbeats.

FASE 4 - Completion

The fooring of an owl is not an easy process. Once it is achieved however, the owl becomes a foorape's best friend. The balance in the foorse has been returned once again - as can be observed below. Finally, the evil owl knows happyness.